Femdom is a term used within BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) and is literally an abbreviation for female domination. A synonym is female supremacy, both come down to the same thing: a relationship in which a woman is dominant over a man. There is a fairly big difference between the fantasy that many people have about this and reality.

What is femdom?

Femdom is a term to indicate that a relationship between a man and a woman is dominated by the woman. You can think of every expression within that relationship. The woman is the one who decides everything, including the actions within the bedroom. In practice, many people appear to give different interpretations to the term femdom. There is a lot of information on the internet about the sexual side of a femdom relationship, but of course it is much more than just that.

Mistress vs FemDomina

A mistress is, in concrete terms, a woman who has a ‘slave’ (a submissive and/or masochistic partner). The vast majority of women who call themselves ‘mistress’ play an ad hoc game and often charge money for it. The supply of ‘mistresses’ is very scarce compared to demand. A femdomina is a woman who believes that men are there to serve her. The entire relationship is then dominated by her domination and control. A ‘game’ can possibly take place within this, but the dominance of a femdomina has no beginning and end. She is what she is.

Equality within a femdom relationship

The extent to which a couple implements femdom rules within their relationship obviously depends on their own feelings. Some couples live quite equally and only allow inequality within their sexual relationship. Others live more in a 24/7 arrangement. This means that the woman decides everything within the relationship 24 hours a day, seven days a week: total femdom.

Reality versus fantasy

In fantasies, femdominas are usually portrayed as ‘mistresses’. So dressed in black leather, with a huge whip in their hand and on high-heeled shiny boots. Commercial ‘mistresses’ in particular often dress this way because they meet demand. People who pay are looking to fulfill their fantasy and that often includes clothing. A femdomina, on the other hand, obviously decides for herself what she looks like. You can dominate in high heels, but also quite well naked with bare feet. It is the appearance and the interaction that are decisive within a femdom relationship. When a femdom couple is in the supermarket, a look can be enough to let the man know what she wants.

Submissive or controlling?

Are you very into the femdom world? Then ask yourself what exactly you are looking for and what you hope to find. If you find a woman who is also interested, remember that the essence of the interaction is that you are there for her and not the other way around. Starting with what you want, what she is allowed to do and how you exactly envision it will not get along with a femdomina. If you want that, you better find a (commercial) mistress.