Janita Venema has written the book ‘The Whispering Child’. She discovered in her own life that her children had messages for her. They turned out to be her mirror. Children mirror the inner world of their parent(s) through behavior, dreams, play and even illness. When Janita dared to look in the mirror, she was able to look for what she herself had not processed as a child.

Soul thread

We are connected to our children by a soul thread, Janita Venema indicates. We feel with our child what we do not feel with the child next door. Children feel with their parents what they do not feel with their neighbor.We want to see our children happy and our children want to see us happy.

Mirroring, what is that?

Superficially you could say that if you don’t like jam and your child doesn’t like it either, that’s a mirror. But children also mirror things that you are not aware of. Your so-called blind spot. These are the things that have not developed in you. Developing therefore means taking the wraps off, exposing it. It takes you back to your childhood, to what you had to hide away, deny, so much so that you are no longer aware of it. The big emotions such as sadness, anger, fear are often mirrored by children. An angry child who constantly has tantrums that seem to come out of nowhere. If the parent looks in the mirror and discovers (so no longer covers up!) that there is still a child inside him/her who should not be angry, by becoming aware he can start working on healing that old part. . If the anger is allowed to come out, we see that the child is suddenly not so angry anymore. It also no longer needs to be mirrored.

Is a child aware that it is mirroring?

No, children are not aware of it. Because they are so connected to their parents, they almost automatically show unconscious processes through behavior, dreams, play and even through illness. Because children want their parents to live instead of survive, they whisper messages to us. Take the child who has difficulty passing stools, who just won’t come and the associated stomach ache and crying. What cannot the parent relieve? What burden does the parent carry (unconsciously), which cannot come out (be expressed) and what sadness lies behind this?

Learning to translate metaphorically

A Children’s Interpreter learns to translate thoroughly. What the parent tells about his child, he/she tells about himself. He doesn’t dare becomes ‘I don’t dare’. He doesn’t dare go into the water, he rears up like a horse, says a mother. Water metaphorically stands for emotion and the translation could be: mother/father does not dare to go into emotion, she rears up like a horse. A mother said that she had a new relationship after the divorce. This man had a trampoline in the garden and her daughter did not dare to jump. It took fourteen days and then she jumped. For fourteen days, mother did not dare to take the plunge and enter into the relationship. When she heard it she confirmed that it was indeed so.If we look at illness and conditions, earache is a good example of hearing and listening. What can the parent no longer hear within themselves? What can the parent no longer listen to within himself?A child kept dreaming about ghosts. What is haunting the parent’s life ?

What do children ask of us?

Being connected to yourself and to the child within yourself. That’s what children ask of their parents. Children can therefore sense where the parents have left something behind. First a child whispers very softly in the parent’s ear, then, if a parent does not pick it up, a child starts screaming and we see that problems become increasingly worse. Finally, a child uses the megaphone to make it clear that he is serious that his parent is willing to look at his own internal processes.So it is actually a gift that children confront us. But that’s what it is: confrontational. Looking in the mirror takes courage. And often also a good therapist who watches with you and helps you feel your inner world.Many behaviors in children disappear, as practice as a Children’s Interpreter has shown, when parents start working on themselves. Children immediately show this in their behavior. And how grateful they are! Grateful that you are really going to live.