One says it is not possible and the other shows that it is possible. It depends on both (ex) partners whether it is possible or not. The fact is that experience shows that those who are (still) friendly with each other experience it as very relaxed.

How do you approach life?

Of course, character plays a big role and for some people, if they have ever done something wrong (for example, an ex may have cheated on you) they never want to have anything to do with that person. Whether that is unprocessed anger or the pain of loss, we can say that these are unprocessed emotions. And if you are not strong in this and do not seek help, these emotions will continue to float on the surface. No value judgement, just an observation. If you know yourself a little and know that this plays a role, it is better that you distance yourself (and continue to keep) from the person in question. But for those who can give it a place, experience shows that it may also result in an excellent relationship. Different than before, because an ex simply has a different role and a partner, but it is very useful and useful for yourself and especially with children.

Role

The role of an ex is multi-fold. He/she can keep you grounded because you still see him/her. If this is not the case, the image in your head can take on disproportionate shapes, in a positional and negative sense. It helps in the process of memories to see everything as it actually was. In addition, it is sometimes nice to share certain memories. After all, you can also create fun moments with the person you have a past with.

Evenly matched

If you’ve ever been in a largely equal relationship, you’ve undoubtedly argued about things. One or more people in your environment who are attracted to you, so to speak, can be very enlightening. Moreover, in that sense, an ex has nothing to lose, knows you well and can therefore respond honestly and openly to you and hold up a mirror to you if necessary.

Trusted

A stumbling block can be that it is so familiar. In fact, that is of course also the case and this can be quite pleasant. You know all the pluses and minuses of each other and strangely enough it works that, for example, you view the irritation of certain behavior differently from an ex. Are you more likely to laugh about it, shrug your shoulders or even realize that you no longer understand why it irritated you before?

You are who you are

Part of the familiar is also the fact that you can be who you really are. After all, he/she knows you all too well and you don’t have to keep up appearances. That comfortable feeling can be a warm blanket. In addition, especially if you don’t have a new warm blanket (yet), it can be an excellent substitute based on a friendship with your ex.

New partners

A more difficult point can be the new partner, but if you are clear about this from the start and it also looks very natural, then it can work well. Of course, the character of the new partner also plays a role here, because this can be intimidating, especially in the beginning (while you are not aware of anything wrong) or it can make your new partner insecure or jealous. These are not the most pleasant qualities, but nothing is strange to us and, especially in an early relationship, there are always uncertainties. In any case, communicate openly and respect each other. Sometimes it’s just a matter of getting used to it.

Finally

Besides the fact that you have to be able to handle it yourself, it is important that those around you also see it for granted. This prevents hassle with people who don’t understand it, who gossip about it (after all, if you are clear about it yourself, there is little to gossip about) or people who think it is ridiculous. Regardless of the fact that you can never completely prevent this and that you can say that you are not interested in it, you have to deal with it anyway. Unless you live on a desert island, you will be confronted with it to a greater or lesser extent. Especially if children are involved, it is advisable to provide clarity about this (first to the children and then to the environment).But if you’re really not up to it, don’t be persuaded. Know yourself and respond honestly. Staying close to yourself and then assessing whether you are capable of a friendship with your ex always yields the most results.