You carry your child under your heart and together you become intertwined. A baby receives everything in the womb; it feels like you are happy, like you are looking forward to getting to know him/her. It also senses your tension, stress and dissatisfaction and then a baby learns to attune itself. In fact, bonding starts very early. Is attachment important, how does it arise and what does it have to do with later?
A baby’s brain development
Bonding is a process of intensive cooperation between mother and child. The second figure in a baby’s life is usually the father, but can also be a grandparent or nanny who is closely involved in the baby’s life. A baby’s brain is still relatively young and weighs about 400 grams. At one year that is 1000 grams and an adult brain weighs 1500 grams. This way you can see how quickly it develops. The network of connections is therefore experiencing explosive growth. But the social brain does not develop if there is no social interaction.
What does a baby need for its brain to develop optimally?
You. First by touching, feeling and cherishing, wearing, then through your eyes, in which your love and interest become visible and finally talking. In every contact in which a baby feels that he is important, that his needs count and are fulfilled, the brain can grow and branch out. Research has shown that when babies are deprived of social interaction, for example in children’s homes in Romania where babies were left alone in their beds for whole days, a brain scan can show that there are so-called ‘black holes’ that are filled in babies who are carried and cherished. are.
Responsive
Responsive means that the mother, the largest attachment figure, responds. She discusses what she sees, hears, experiences and feels. Learning to decipher the cries, interpret them and know what the baby is asking for. In this interaction, the baby brain develops and a child learns to trust itself, it learns that it is worth loving and that gives a safe feeling. This creates secure attachment. Insecure attachment occurs when there is no warm, understanding contact, or when the mother reacts erratically; sometimes yes, other times not. But also if the mother cannot deal with her own feelings and it becomes difficult to interpret her baby’s feelings. A child then does not develop the basic confidence to explore the world. Parents often say: I wish I had been given a description. But you have it, you just have to learn to read it!
Hyper parents
In her book: ‘What do we do with the baby?’ Marilse Eerkens states that today we see hyperparenting taking place. In other words, it’s all about a child and is that what’s good for all parties? However, it is precisely during the first six months to a year that you are meant to be completely there, she says, because then it happens in the baby’s brain and you lay a foundation for later. When a child grows up, hyperparenting, also called overcare, often leads to lack of independence and great dependency. Teaching your child that he or she is allowed to explore the world and make mistakes is the key.
Change in thinking
Before the 1950s, it was said that motherly love was a dangerous instrument. Children would not become resilient and spoiling was lurking by picking up the baby with every peep. Brain research now shows that withholding attention, touch, nurturing and paying attention to a baby’s needs leads to underdevelopment of the brain. And unfortunately, that has consequences for later.
To spoil
You cannot spoil a baby until six months old. You can get used to contact and exchange together. That can grow just by being there and doing it. By being responsive. The joy that arises from connection is an investment for later. You learn to have confidence in others. Pampering starts after six months. Then a baby can occasionally be introduced to deferred attention. However, it is important to always use language and explain why things go the way they do. Babies understand what is going on from a very young age, even though they cannot yet respond to it. The warm tone of explanation makes them sense why you are waiting a while, or whether a brother or sister needs some attention or you as a mother. Babies know a lot more than you think!